Cobra Commander's bid for President ended yesterday when he was defeated by the incumbent. Several issues were in play, but gay marriage came up big. As the eleven seperate state-level anti-gay marriage referendums indicated, Americans just aren't ready to accept the kind of inclusive lifestyle policies championed by Cobra Commander and his domestic partner (and likely Secretary of Defense), Destro. It appears that America is, however, ready to accept fundamentalist Christianity as the primary motivating force behind both foreign and domestic policy. Initial reports indicate that John Ashcroft was last seen at the Bush victory banquet, stuffing himself with spareribs and using the Bill of Rights as a bib.
Congratulations! A clear majority raised its collective voice and announced that xenophobia, bigotry, unchecked aggression, fiscal irresponsibility, corporate croneyism, the ready availability of assault weapons, the oppression of women, and the development of a borderline plutocracy are America's main priorities. Now let's get to work dismantling this pesky separation of church and state, 'cuz there's baby killers and faggots and Arabs that need persecutin'!
So for those of you considering immediate expatriation, I offer this.
The fervent liberalism of Monday night's Le Tigre show seems like another life now. Good lord, Kathleen Hannah is delectable. Too bad she'll be one of the first herded into the camps. Sugar D and I have tickets to see The Futureheads tonight, but something tells me they're going to develop sudden visa problems. Maybe Tony Blair can write them a note or something. "Dear George, these lads are okay. They are really, really fond of Jesus. They promise that they are not terrorists or subversives of any kind. Your bitch forever, Tony."
In truly important news, the Lakers won last night! That's just not the upset I was hoping for.
The management would like to take this opportunity to express its severe depression and all-consuming desire for a beer.
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